Valentine (2001) | Spoiler-Free Movie Review

VALENTINE

Directed by Jamie Blanks.  Written by Donna Powers.  Story by Tom Savage.
Box Office: 36.7 million USD     IMDb: 4.9/10     Rotten Tomatoes: 12%     Metacritic: 18%

Oh, the teen slasher genre!  A genre that I miss so dearly, but films like Valentine really help me understand why it's gone...

Woah! Hold up Valentine fans!  I'm not saying I hated the movie. Quite honestly, to be brief, I actually really enjoyed it.  But I also understand why films like Valentine killed off the teen slasher genre so quickly. 

Synopsis:
It is the late 1980's. At a high school dance, young nerdish-looking Jeremy Melton is spurned & insulted by every girl he asks to dance, except one named Dorothy. Later they start making out under the bleachers until a group of bullies discover them, and Dorothy says Jeremy attacked her. The boys further humiliate Jeremy by violently assaulting him & pulling off his clothes. About 12 years later, those same girls are in their twenties and enjoying the dating scene. But Jeremy has mysteriously disappeared. After one of the girls, Shelley has a date with an arrogant loser, she is savagely murdered in her medical school's anatomy lab by a tall, sinister man dressed in a dark coat and wearing a cherub mask. Just before her death, Shelley received a threatening Valentine's Day card. The other girls soon start receiving similar cards shortly after, and one at a time, they start dying violently. When police inform them that Jeremy Melton has not been seen or heard from for many years, Dorothy speculates that he may have had plastic surgery and worked out to change his appearance. Kate has recently found herself a new boyfriend but Dorothy suspects he may in fact be Jeremy, using his new look to get close to the girls who spurned him so many years before...and seeking revenge...
-Derek O'Cain via IMDb

I have been requested to watch this movie probably hundreds of times (I'm looking at you Zach Donato).  Now after seeing it, I'm so upset with myself that I waited this long.  Valentine is simply another Scream (1996) ripoff.  It follows the formula we all know and love - Group of kids get into trouble they shouldn't be, killer starts hacking off these guilty kids, we as an audience start guessing away at who the killer is.

I will say that Valentine does bring a handful of "surprises" along the way that differ from the typical teen slasher formula; however, I say surprises loosely, as they are all ultimately quite predictable.

​A huge redeeming factor for this film is that it stars David Boreanaz, or perhaps better know as Angel from the series Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  This fact was clearly apparent to the film-makers, as they slip in a very cheeky Angel reference that had me grinning ear to ear.

Alongside Boreanaz, we have Marley Shelton as Kate Davies.  To be honest, Shelton's performance is perfectly fine for the film, but all I could think about was her as Deputy Judy Hicks in Scream 4 (2011).  So, ultimately I found myself very frustrated with her...

Truthfully, there isn't much to say about Valentine... At least while avoiding spoilers.  It does exactly what it set out to do at the time - create a cheap teen slasher film to take advantage of the post-Scream hype.  For this reason, I really enjoyed it, but I also really enjoyed I Still Know What You Did Last Summer...  

It's clear to me why the critic reviews are so low, but I would never give this movie a 12% like Rotten Tomatoes claims. 

Don't be fooled by my rating. I did enjoy Valentine​.  For me, it's a fun ride with a handful of sometimes predictable twists.   You like I Know What You Did Last Summer? You'll like this.

★★☆☆☆